you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
