I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
how drunk are you?
Several
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
