Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
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God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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