I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
