What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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