sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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