he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
