so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
we should paint friendship bongs
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
