Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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