I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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