so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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