nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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