My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
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