yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
