I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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