Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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