He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
