We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
