There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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