i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
