Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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