That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
lets start a swedish sibling band together
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
