Got a toothbrush?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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