i don't like sucking hair
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
