You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
