I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
