Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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