My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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