I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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