Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
