hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I touched a dick in church today
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
