No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
