I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
