Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
this just has baby written all over it
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
