I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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