Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize