His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
