how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
