im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize