the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
