Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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