so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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