Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
