You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
