I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
