My girlfriend figured out who you are.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
