I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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