THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
