I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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