oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
