If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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