You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
it hurts more in the daytime
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
