I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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