Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
