That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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