mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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