I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
