yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
