he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
