if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
