Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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