pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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