Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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