I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
