i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
