Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
