we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Pants are for mortals
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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