My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
