he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
