ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
