ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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