girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
