I just cut my nipple shaving
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
