How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
