My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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