your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
